How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a women?
Because, a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet then men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to Stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me "
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, whom do you let in first?
The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.
I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was "Always."
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.
What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Marriage is a 3-ring circus.
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to:
Forget it once.
Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't?
Bachelors go to the refrigerator, seeing nothing they want, Then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, seeing nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator